Showing Up Like You've Never Been Hurt

526 - Showing up like you've never been hurt in business, IS NOT the easiest thing to do, but listen as I talk about the hurts you can experience in business and how to navigate them through my experiences.

*if you are experiencing deep trauma or pain, please seek a professional to support you in this area.

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Transcript

0:01

I want to talk about a quote that I heard about a year ago, and it was like the perfect timing for this quote. And the quote was, you got to show up like you've never been hurt before, as as a business owner, as a CEO, as an entrepreneur, we got to show up like we've never been hurt before. And that was a very hard thing to read, because in my business, whether it has been self induced, we have self induced pains in our business, you know, what is my? One of my favorite quotes is, I am my problem, I'm also my solution, right? Or Taylor Swift updated it and said it's Hi, it's me, I'm the problem. It's me, right? Like, however you want to say it, we are the problem and the solution. And also, sometimes the choices we make or the decisions that we make put us in a situation to be hurt by others, right? And so the thing is, is that showing up like we've never been hurt before sometimes is not instantaneous, right? It's not like, Oh, I was hurt yesterday. I got hurt really, really bad. I still haven't processed my emotions. Let me just show up today. That does not what this quote means is not the way I take this quote. I take this quote as, when you're ready to show up, you've got to show up like you weren't just hurt, right? And also, if you have a business where where you mentor people, and you have programs, and you're launching every month, you also get to show up for those people, right? Because those people are you're mentoring those people, you're coaching those people. Those people depend on you. And so I think this is like a two fold conversation, because even though we don't always feel, feel like showing up for our business, outward facing, right to the public, getting on video, being visible. Be being the visible CEO, right? It's not always easy to do when we are in pain. And I'm just going to, like, throw this out there, because honestly, three years ago, me would have probably said, Get over it. Go, go, get on video. Like that's probably what I've said. I would have said that to myself too, not just to my clients, but I would said it to myself too. And the thing is, is that I believe we go through things in our business because we need to learn how to help others go through them, we experience things so that we can help others go through them. And again, one of the reasons that I got certified in my coaching is because I don't want to tell people just do stuff even if you don't feel like it, that's not what I'm saying. Now there is, there does come a point where you just need to get over yourself and do stuff if you keep making excuses, but I think it's also knowing yourself and trusting yourself and knowing what this looks like for you. So how can you get hurt in business? Well, I'm going to give you some a list of things, but please know that this is not an exhaustive list. There are many ways that you can get hurt in business, whether it is from someone else hurting you, or you hurting yourself right like or causing yourself pain. So you can be hurt by mentors. You can be hurt by friends. You can be hurt by clients. You can be hurt by our own, by your own fears. You can be hurt by people not paying like, saying that they're going to pay, or you allowing them to get behind on their payment, and they keep saying they're going to pay, and you they don't by people not showing up. You can take that in many different ways, showing up for calls, showing up when you've blocked off your day like there's many ways that people just don't show up by disappointing results, like a disappointing launch or a disappointing offer selling, or maybe you worked really hard on this video and nobody showed up, or you worked really hard on this project and and no one bought at the end of it, again, disappointing results are painful. They're they're it's hard to sometimes get back up when we experience that type of pain, by those that aren't their word, by us not being our word to ourselves. Like I'm going to go live three times a week, and two months pass by and you're like, Oh, crap, I It's been two months I haven't been live, right? And it's like, okay, I'm disappointed myself. I wasn't my word of myself. And I believe that we build we build our most confident when we are a word to ourselves, even when it's hard. By staying in our comfort zones, I think when we stay in our comfort zones, it also can be very painful, because I think when we play small, we get small results, right? We probably will still get results. But there. Going to be small results, and there's a lot more competition when we play small. You know, it's like, what is the quote? Like? It's something about going the extra mile. It's not crowded there or something like that. It's the same thing when you play bigger. It's a lot less crowded when you play bigger by not listening to our own intuition. How many times have you said to yourself, I got a bad feeling about this one do anyhow, or there's, there's some red flags, but I really want to do this, and I'm doing it anyhow, and then you're like, uh, I knew it. I knew I should have listened to my gut. I knew I should listen to my intuition on this. And the thing is, is that, again, it is not fun. Whether it's someone else hurts us or we cause the pain ourselves, it's not fun, right? But here's the thing that I can say, and I had a therapist for a while, and the one thing she said to me was, every time you feel this pain, right, or this sadness or this hurt, can you reframe that to the lesson? Did you learn something? I was like, Oh yes, I learned a lot. And she said, Okay, so reframe the hurt with the lesson. But also, let me be very clear, I'm not a therapist. I am not a trauma coach. And so when I say this, if you are experiencing something you're having a really hard time getting over, make sure you connect with someone who is a professional that can help you. Because I am a I am a certified coach, and I know the standards of how to help people, but there are some things that are way too deep wounds that you need a professional to help you with that. But anyhow, it doesn't mean that we don't learn from these things, right? We process our pain, and I do think we should feel our feels. If you've ever heard me talk about the time that I told a mindset coach, I was like, hey, I want to get over stuff really fast. Like, as soon as I get hurt, I'm going to bounce back. And I want, I don't want to feel it. And she was like, well, it doesn't work like that. You actually do feel, you do feel the pain, because eventually it's going to catch up to you if you don't. And so that whole experiment was totally did not go the way I thought it was going to, because I was like, she's going to teach me how to get over this stuff so much faster, and nobody's going to be able to, like, bring me down, including myself. And, yeah, no, that doesn't happen. So what do you learn from it? Right? Just like my therapist said, can you take away, like, every time you feel the pain, shift that into the lesson? And I was like, yes, absolutely, I can it. It also doesn't mean, like, when you have these pains, you get stronger. You do get stronger, right? It's an experience that you went through, and a lot of times, these uncomfortable things are not things that we choose. Like, you know how I say, get uncomfortable, get out of your comfort zone. Choose discomfort. These are not these are not discomforts we choose, right? We don't choose these. These happen to us because of choices or things that situations that happen. And so we do get to get stronger from it, right? And also we learn from it. Because, again, like I said, you know, I three years ago, I probably would have said to myself and anybody else, just get over it. Just get over it, right? And obviously, I know through all the pains that I've had, again, whether they were self induced or not, that's not what you do. You know my coaching certification also help with that, but it's not what you do, right? There is some processing time in any pain that we have, and I think going through pain again, whether it's self induced or or from someone else causing us pain, we learn from it, so it does help us to see future red flags, but also it doesn't mean we're never going to experience a pain like that. Again. We may not experience the same exact kind of pain, but hopefully we've learned enough from it that we've seen the red flags and we know what to do moving forward, but there's always going to be some type of pain in your business that you're going to experience. And it's just it is the way it is, and it's it does. I do think we grow. I do think we get stronger. I do think that it does help us. And, you know, I do say I did a masterclass years ago called The comeback, and it talked about all the breakdowns that I had in my business, and all the breakthroughs made me stronger. And I do believe that about the hurt and the pain again, no matter how it comes to us. I do believe that about the hurt and the pain in our business. We get stronger, we become more self aware. We're able to see patterns, right? And honestly, as much as I don't want to experience pain, especially, I don't want to experience hurt, the comeback is like a pretty freaking amazing thing. Every comeback, every breakthrough I've ever had, I came back stronger and stronger. Stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger. And I think that's a beautiful, beautiful thing. And so first of all, just know that in your business, you're not alone if you've experienced pain. And that, you know, obviously we have responsibilities, and I think we do take radical responsibility in our business, but maybe it's causing you to hide, maybe it's causing you to not feel like the best version of yourself and and show up on video and things like that. And again, three years ago, I would not have been able to acknowledge this like I can today. And I think it is a beautiful journey, and I am grateful as hard as this is to say, sometimes I am grateful for all of the pain and the hurt that I've been through, because I know it's going to help me be a better mentor, a better coach, a better leader in the whole entire situation, it's going to help me be better. And a lot of times that's hard to say, that's hard to look at like because, of course, if I could go erase things in my life, would I potentially, and also, no, no, because with all those hard experiences without I talked a couple weeks ago about putting in the reps right. Without those things, I wouldn't be where I am today. Now this is going to be a longer episode, but sometimes we can get over things a lot quicker than others. You know, when we have disappointing results, I do believe the best thing we do is get back on the horse. When I bombed that speech in 2019 I went directly to my friend who was a speaking coach, and I said I bombed a speech, and I knew if I did not work with her, I would never get on a stage again. I would never speak in front of people again. I just knew it because my confidence had been broken so bad from that and right. So I figured out, okay, I know this is a problem. I'm gonna fix it right now. It sucks, but literally within 24 hours, I made that connection with her and reached out to her and said, I need this. We were on a call with each other, and within 48 hours, and I was working with her within 72 hours, right? Like it was that fast. I knew I knew what, because I knew the longer that I that I said, Oh, you bombed this speech and and and replayed all of those things. How many of you do that? Right? I replayed all those things in my head. It was just going to get worse. It was just going to get worse, and I was going to make it way bigger than it was. And to be honest, I don't know that anybody else thought I bombed the speech, but I thought I bombed the speech myself. So that's, that's what mattered, right? And so I needed to get to a place where I could could speak on stage again. And, you know, I think that we just get to look at that as we grow our business and understand that some things we can get over quicker, like I realized I had a problem. I realized what I was not going to do ever again if I didn't fix it. And then sometimes it's, it's a deeper wound, right? It's a deeper cut. And so if we have a deeper gash in our skin, it's going to take a lot longer to heal, right? There's layers to that. And so sometimes those layers take a lot longer to heal and to get better. And then sometimes you're trying to heal from one thing, and then all these other things hit. And you're like, Oh my gosh. Like, what is happening right now? And you know, it's like, I will say this, there was obviously a very strong pain that I dealt with, and then my daughter in law having cancer, and the baby was just born, and I do feel like a totally new person, not that she's cured from cancer yet, but that, I think all of us were kind of holding our breath until that baby was born. And he's a miracle, right? He's a miracle. And it's, it's, I felt like, like 10,000 pounds were lifted off my chest, and I felt like I could start peeling back the layers of the healing that I was avoiding because of all of those things. And it's just, you know, this is why I say self awareness and and becoming so, so self aware and and working on your leadership skills, whether you're managing anybody or not, it doesn't matter like if you're going to be a frontward, facing person on social media, you're going to run a business where you're going to mentor and and even your employees, right? I believe that self leadership is important, and so, you know, it's like becoming so self aware, oh my gosh. Like I have, I have grown so much in the past. Year, through all this pain, through all this hurt, through all this doubt that I had, through all this shame that I had through so many things. And you know, that's another thing I want to bring up really quick, as I'm trying to not make this episode an hour long. One of the two of the worst emotions that we can have are shame and guilt. And when we How many of you getting that should train like I should be doing this. I should be doing that. And so as the visibility queen, which I rebranded. But as a visibility queen, I was supposed to be showing up every single day on video, right? And so I got into this should thing, the should thing that shamed me. And then I knew that shame is bad, and then I guilted myself for the shame. And then I went, it was like a it was like a vicious cycle, right? Which, again, you're already dealing with this hurt, you're already dealing with this pain, then you're dealing with this news that you found out, then you're shaming yourself, then you're guilting yourself. And it is like an endless spiral. It is like a spiral, right? But the thing is, I want you to know you can hurt and you can feel pain, and you can be disappointed, and from again, lack of results somebody else, it doesn't matter, and you can come back. And that is, if nothing else comes out of this episode, is that you can come back. There is so much hope. There is so much healing, and it all gets to be a beautiful part of your journey, even if you wish it never happened, even if you wish that you could go back and change something that you did. And I want you to know that, again, business is not always rainbows and butterflies. Business is not always yay, rah, rah, like, let's go on video and make tons of money. There's a lot of other things that go into it. And I think that we, you know, was talking to my mini mind about this, we don't like we're not sharing that enough. We're not sharing that enough, which is part of the reason that spurred this episode, part of the reason that I'm talking about this, and also the the baby being born, spurred this episode. So there's so many like dualities that spurred this episode, but and also, I think people need to hear it, and so I've been on a year long journey of hearing healing, not hearing well, hearing something, but healing. And you know, I literally regret nothing, nothing. I don't regret any of it. I did what I had to do to protect myself and my clients and my business. And I believe everything happens for a reason, the pain, the hurt, all of it. And so if you've felt this in your business, take a deep breath. Breathe. Let it out. Know that it's going to get better. It's going to get better. And I see you, and I witness you, and I hope one thing that I said in this episode serves and supports you, but just again, know that there's, there's, you know, there's a thing that we always, I always see in Columbus, Ohio, it's on the billboards. I don't remember which business it is, but they say there's no routine cancer, right? Meaning nobody heals from cancer the same way. And the same is true with pain and hurt and disappointment. Nobody heals from that the same way. So it doesn't need to look like anybody else's. And again, just giving you permission to to dig deeper into that and see how that feels and see what comes up, and permission to take some time to process it, because either we process it when we feel it, or we push it down, and eventually, we're going to eventually, at some point, need to process it right. So if you had any takeaways from this episode, please share, reach out to me. Let me know I am here to serve and support you, and again, if I can go through experience. Experiences like this and find a takeaway that can serve and support someone else. It's even more worth it than than my increased self awareness and my increased strength and my increased ability to see patterns and things like that, and getting to know myself on a deeper level, like all of that. It's worth it regardless. But if I can help one person with this episode deal with the pain that they're they're having right now or they're going through, I know that it was worth it. It was worth talking about. It was worth sharing my vulnerability. And again, I just I hope that that something in here served and supported you, and if you want to reach out to chat about it. On a deeper level, I'm my DMs are always open, and there is a link to those in the show notes.